Written by Missy 3/30/2026
What is abuse anyway?
Hi dear friend!
I’m sure you’ve seen my previous posts, and hopefully you found them helpful. But maybe you’ve found yourself wondering how to recognize or even label abuse. I believe that
“We cannot move forward towards the future God has for us until we have first healed from our past. And you cannot be expected to heal from something if you don’t know what you need to heal from.”
I think the best place to start is by identifying what abuse is. Maybe you have an idea, or maybe you’ve never heard of it. This is a short list of behaviors that are abusive – if you or someone you know is (or has) experienced any one of these, I am so so sorry. You don’t deserve any of this, and it is not your fault.
Telling you what friends or family you can visit or spend time with (and when you can see them)
Asking you to send updates on what you’re doing many times a day, or controlling where you spend your time
Pushing their way into your personal space (physically, mentally, emotionally) – this can look like trying to be around you all the time, or forcing you to do something that makes you uncomfortable
Saying things to make you feel bad, or to make you give them something they want
Taking your phone, car keys, or personal belongings for any reason that you did not agree to
Abuse is not just physical behaviors – it also includes things like manipulation, financial control, or verbal abuse. Please know that you are not alone, and none of these behaviors are anything you could have controlled.
We often don’t see that we are being abused when the conversation or scenario is happening, and we need help to recognize it after the fact. If, after reading this list, you recognize that you (or someone you know) are being abused, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233, or text BEGIN to 88788.
Friend, I thank you for taking the time to read this post, and for being so brave to share your pain. Know that Jesus sees you, and in fact, he never left. If you have more questions about what abuse is or how to get free, you can call the Hotline, or visit www.thehotline.org
Love, Missy